Warning - this blog isn't going to be cohesive - rather it will be random important ideas I want to put down in writing for future reflection... You've been warned!
Detachment - or Metacognative Awareness - or Assuming the role of Observer...
I think the easiest word to use in this case is detachment - although the other two are probably more accurate if you are running within the mindfulness framework. Regardless of the term - though - this is one of the few areas I'm really grateful for finding during the past two years of mindfulness focus. It generally works like this:
Attached: In an interaction that evokes a emotional response (like anger) - being angry takes up all of your bandwidth and you act as if all of you is angry in the situation.
Detached: In an interaction that evokes an emotional response (like anger) - you watch the situation unfold - as if it's a movie scene with characters - and almost all of you isn't angry at all (just a little slice of you is...)!
The mystery here is how to interact in a way that lets you intentionally choose how to engage.
I have a phrase I use all the time around my daughter: Age appropriate. She want's mom's attention? Age Appropriate (AA). She wants to play with her food? AA. She wants to stall for bedtime? AA. She wants to (insert a million things that are infuriating here....) ... AA.
Wow - as soon as you don't view talking back and throwing food as a personal attack.... but rather AA (of course she wants to throw her food) - you can watch, with interest, as part of you gets upset - but not the "you" in charge of what's going on... Awesome.
Boy, do I wish I was batting 1.000 on this - I don't. But I'm pretty good at noticing when my actions are at odds with how I want to be perceived. (Win. Super WIN actually). Last night - as an example - I had a moment where I thought - "If I were being watched right now - is this how I'd want to behave?"
Which brings me to another amazing pattern that is useful:
-Daniel
PS - I'm probably going to start adding things I've learned from Martial Arts to this blog too. It's too rich of a field of study to avoid it... :) You have been warned!
Detachment - or Metacognative Awareness - or Assuming the role of Observer...
I think the easiest word to use in this case is detachment - although the other two are probably more accurate if you are running within the mindfulness framework. Regardless of the term - though - this is one of the few areas I'm really grateful for finding during the past two years of mindfulness focus. It generally works like this:
Attached: In an interaction that evokes a emotional response (like anger) - being angry takes up all of your bandwidth and you act as if all of you is angry in the situation.
Detached: In an interaction that evokes an emotional response (like anger) - you watch the situation unfold - as if it's a movie scene with characters - and almost all of you isn't angry at all (just a little slice of you is...)!
The mystery here is how to interact in a way that lets you intentionally choose how to engage.
I have a phrase I use all the time around my daughter: Age appropriate. She want's mom's attention? Age Appropriate (AA). She wants to play with her food? AA. She wants to stall for bedtime? AA. She wants to (insert a million things that are infuriating here....) ... AA.
Wow - as soon as you don't view talking back and throwing food as a personal attack.... but rather AA (of course she wants to throw her food) - you can watch, with interest, as part of you gets upset - but not the "you" in charge of what's going on... Awesome.
Boy, do I wish I was batting 1.000 on this - I don't. But I'm pretty good at noticing when my actions are at odds with how I want to be perceived. (Win. Super WIN actually). Last night - as an example - I had a moment where I thought - "If I were being watched right now - is this how I'd want to behave?"
Which brings me to another amazing pattern that is useful:
Unconscious Incompetence --> Conscious Incompetence --> Conscious Competence --> Unconscious CompetenceI really like this flow - because it shows the progression. I also don't see anything that says "Failure" in there - it's just assessing and progressing. Awesome. :)
-Daniel
PS - I'm probably going to start adding things I've learned from Martial Arts to this blog too. It's too rich of a field of study to avoid it... :) You have been warned!
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